A Very Merry Akatsuki Christmas
by Drachesoul
Summary: Check out your favorite anime villains celebrate the holidays! Mayhem ensues as they try to make the very best Christmas Eve ever! SasoDei pairing. Only about two or three chapters long, so I guess it counts as a short fic.


A/N: Ever heard of the phrase Christmas in July? I never really got what it meant. I thought maybe it was for people who had their birthdays in July. (mine's in September) Well, it's June, and I could pretty damn well use some Christmas cheer at the moment. So here's to all the Akatsuki fans out there in fanfiction world, and to those that think Sasori and Deidara are soo sexy together!-Drache

The air was chilly, sending shivers through everybody brave enough to step outside. But despite the frigid atmosphere, people could be seen bustling around cheerfully, their faces reflected in the many shop windows advertising every possible gift from multi-colored shuriken to a tiny robotic dog that ran on a modicum of the owner's chakra. Everyone was so cheerful, in fact, that they hardly noticed the two cloaked figures weaving their way through the crowds.

"Ick. Everyone looks so happy," grumbled one. He had several bags clutched in his hand.

"Well what did you expect?" the other asked innocently, bouncing from foot to foot, lugging another seven bags behind him like it weighed nothing. "It is Christmas Eve, after all."

"Tobi, I get the stereotypes that go along with Christmas, but we're not really supposed to be the celebrating type." Tobi stared at him incredulously for a moment. "What?"

"B-But Sasori, we're supposed to be getting the gifts for everyone! That's the whole point of Christmas. Not just buying presents for all the other members, but having fun doing it! Especially when a _certain_ someone opens the present you got for him." Sasori's ears turned red.

"I lied to him today, Tobi. The first lie I ever told him. I don't want to ever have to do that again, okay? I said we were going out on a mission." He held up the bags of presents. "Does this look like a mission to you?"

Tobi laughed, and Sasori thought he had grinned happily under the mask he always wore. "Of course it's a mission! We're on a mission to go shopping!" Sasori groaned in embarrassment.

"Fine," he said tersely, dragging his partner away from yet another colorful storefront. "We're on a mission to go shopping. But never, under any circumstances, am I to hear you utter that phrase again." Tobi wasn't even listening. He was busy giggling at the glass window, which had displayed a little silver box that steadily emitted a stream of bright blue-and-orange bubbles.

"You get far too excited about things," he muttered under his breath. Nevertheless, he went inside and purchased the tiny box, asking the clerk to gift-wrap it and address it to Tobi. Setting down the sixty ryou needed for the present, he slipped it into his bag and dragged the now completely oblivious Tobi down the street.

"Aw, Sasori. I was just getting interested," Tobi complained.

"I think we have enough things, right?" Sasori asked, looking at the myriad of bags littered around their feet. "Please tell me we have enough things." Tobi pulled out a list from his cloak and scanned the names on it.

"We got gifts for Itachi, Kisame and Zetsu, right?" Sasori nodded, pointing at the three bags he was carrying. "How about for Deidara, Konan, and Pain?"

"Yeah. They're all here. Plus my gift to myself, and presents for Hidan, Kakuzu, and something for you." Tobi's attention immediately fell to him.

"You got something for me?" he asked. Sasori swore he could almost see Tobi's eyes misting up. He grunted when Tobi tackled him in a hug.

"Ugh. Don't act all sappy, especially in public. There are other people here." He gently shoved Tobi off of him and gathered up the bags, handing them to him. "You wanted to get presents for everyone, so _you_ can take them back to the hideout."

Tobi took them without complaint, setting off with a spring in his step. _Why did I ever agree to go shopping with him? Of course, I couldn't disagree. Flawed though Tobi's logic may be, he still has a heart. And besides, I got myself something that I didn't have to pay for. _He reached into his cloak pocket and pulled out a little gift-wrapped box. He held it tenderly, thankful that Tobi had distracted the owner long enough for him to swipe it from the glass case. _I really hope he likes it. Then it really would be the best Christmas ever. _

Meanwhile, back at the Akatsuki Hideout…

_Jingle Bells Jingle Bells. Jingle all the way. _Deidara was singing the song under his breath as he looked through the Akatsuki's storage room for the Christmas decorations. A lot of the wide room was filled with various things the members had collected over the years, and he had spent the last half hour in vain trying to find the box labeled Decorations.

_Just my luck. I _had_ to pull the lot for decorating the house this year. _He was referring to the ceremony the members held every year to decide who would do what to prepare for the holiday. Last year he had been saddled with making the Christmas Dinner, and though it had turned out well enough, he had accidentally blown Hidan's arm off trying to make the perfect centerpiece for the table.

"_Hey, Deidara, is the centerpiece almost ready?" _

"_Hush! I'm trying to make it perfect." He had been fiddling around with it for almost an hour, and Hidan was getting impatient. "Wait—Hidan, don't touch it!" Too late. A loud explosion blew through the house, causing the other members to drop what they were doing and rush to the kitchen. _

_Deidara had managed to erect a clay shield around himself and the food, and everybody breathed a sigh of relief that their dinner hadn't been destroyed. Hidan wasn't so lucky. _

"_Damn it, Deidara! That fucking hurt!" Everyone stared at him for a moment before Kisame burst out laughing. "Huh? WHAAAA—" _

_By now the entire group had burst into laughter, Kisame holding onto his sword, Samehada, for support. Itachi barely cracked a smile, though he chuckled a bit under his breath. "Where the hell is my arm?" Hidan cried, looking at the bloody stump where his arm had been blown off. _

_Konan suppressed a smile. "Is this yours?" she asked sweetly, holding up the wayward limb. She waved it in Hidan's face, while everybody who had just come down off the high of the moment, burst back into raucous chuckling. _

"_Give me that!" he snarled, snatching his arm back from the girl. "Kakuzu, can you sew this back on?" _

"_I told you the last time I had to patch you up, I wasn't doing it again. Not unless you compensate me for the service. Your mouth is fouler than Pain's and that's saying something. Besides, you're immortal. You can take it." He left the room, leaving his partner with an slack-jawed expression on his face._

"_Damn, it Kakuzu, get back here!" And he rushed out after his partner. Everyone could hear him begging Kakuzu to sew his arm back on while the former retreated to his room to wrap everyone's presents. _

Deidara snorted softly under his breath, fondly recalling the memory. As he carelessly brushed aside several boxes labeled Pain's Items, he found what he had been searching for. "Aha! There you are, you stupid box." He called upon one of his clay centipedes, having the creature push the huge box back into the front hall of the Akatsuki's Hideout. He flung open the box, and his jaw dropped. Everything was a jumbled, disorganized mess. Deidara pulled on a string of lights and the entire bundle of bright bulbs followed, like a snake had gotten confused and tied itself in knots.

"Which idiot was in charge of the decorating last year?" He wracked his brains for a moment before noticing a small blue scale that had adhered itself to one of the lights. "Kisame," he growled.

As if he had heard, Kisame's head popped out from behind the door leading to the kitchen. "Hm? Did you want something Deidara?" His sharky grin immediately faded as he saw the irate blonde holding up the tangled mess of lights.

Kisame blushed. "Heh. Sorry, Deidara. I was kinda in a rush after Christmas was over last year." He flinched as Deidara threw the lights in his face. "Hey!"

"I need to finish getting the other boxes from the storage room. Why don't you untangle these for me?" With a flourish he turned on his heel and walked back into the storage room.

"Ah—but Deidara!" He waved his arms, trying to get the other boy's attention. "I need to help Pain with the tree!"

"Well you should've thought about that last year," called Deidara from the back of the room. Kisame grumbled but did as he was told, sitting down on the nearest sofa and beginning to untangle the string of lights.

Deidara swore when he opened the other two large boxes of decorations. Both boxes were in worse shape than the first. "Kisame! You know what? I'll help Pain with the tree this year. But you had better be done putting everything back when I'm finished!"

Kisame scowled, looking back at the boxes. _Don't worry, he said. Nobody will care about the mess, he said. Now come over here and kiss me, he said. Damn that Itachi. _He sighed and got back to work. But he couldn't help but smile a little, remembering the finer moments of last Christmas Eve. _Hmmm…wonder what this year has in store for us? _

Pain was busy stringing popcorn to put on the tree, looking around at the empty room before sneaking a kernel. _Mmmm…I _love_ Christmas. _He draped the popcorn on the tree and started putting ornaments for each of the members on the green branches.

He picked up a shark ornament, and placed it next to Itachi's ornament, a swirling red-and-black globe. Every year, the members got a new decoration to place on the tree and the ones that had coupled up demanded that their ornaments stand side by side.

Itachi and Kisame had been together for almost a year now, though everyone knew that they had been in love for quite some time. Pain had been in a relationship with Konan for three years, and they showed no sign of getting bored with each other's company. _Ah, Konan. Why did I have to fall so hard for you? _He lovingly put Konan's flower-shaped ornament next to his, a chibi version of himself that he had found in a cheesy tourist shop.

**The villain that strikes fear into the hearts of people everywhere! **The sign had proclaimed. Pain couldn't help but laugh as he purchased the little decoration. He had no idea that people feared him so much. Sasori had laughed for hours afterward, comically reproducing the shopkeeper's expression when Pain had revealed his face to him, asking where he got these charming little pieces. And speaking of Sasori…

The pink-haired boy had fallen in love with his partner the moment they first saw each other. In fact, Pain had made a bet with Kakuzu to determine exactly how long it would be before one of the Akatsuki caught them making out with each other. He had underestimated Deidara and Sasori, though. He grudgingly handed over one-hundred-and fifty ryou to the cheapskate when Tobi said he had seen the two "enjoying each other" no less then three days after they had become partners.

Pain didn't notice Deidara come into the room until he had dropped a box of decorations at his feet, huffing indignantly. "The fish-stick didn't put away the decorations for the house properly. So I'm gonna help you finish the tree while he untangles the mess he made last year."

"mmm…okay." Pain said slowly, tossing Deidara a spider ornament. "You can start by finding a place to put yours and Sasori's ornaments this year. He got pissed last year at Itachi for not putting his next to yours."

Deidara nodded and proceeded to unhook Itachi and Kisame's ornaments and replacing them with his and Sasori's. "Itachi isn't going to like that. He asked for that spot this year."

"Well, screw Itachi! I want our ornaments here this year."

"That's not very nice. I thought you only wanted to screw me," chided a voice. Deidara turned around and immediately embraced his boyfriend.

"Sasori! When did you get back?"

"About an hour ago. I wanted to track you down as soon as I got back, but Zetsu accosted me and asked for my help making Christmas Dinner." He grimaced. "Remind me never to say yes to him again."

"I don't care if you had spent hours with him, as long as you came back." He growled and pulled Sasori into a deep kiss. He must have felt Sasori shift uncomfortably as he immediately pulled back, brow creased with worry.

"What's wrong? Did the mission not go according to plan?" He grabbed Sasori's jaw and made the older boy face him. "You can talk to me, babe."

"…well. I lied to you earlier today, Deidara." Deidara could tell that this was eating at his boyfriend, so he tried to smile. But he couldn't help the feeling of being slightly angry at his boyfriend. "I-I wasn't on a mission today. I'm sorry, Deidara. I really didn't want to lie to you."

The blonde ran his hands through his hair. "Well, why did you?"

"Because….I was trying to find you the perfect present for Christmas this year, so I convinced Tobi to come along with me." The rest of Sasori's apology was drowned out as Deidara rushed him. "I don't get it. Why aren't you mad at me?"

"I suppose I should be, but truth be told, you weren't the only one who went shopping with Tobi this year." He grinned wickedly. Sasori was awestruck. He usually could read his boyfriend's emotions pretty well, and nothing had seemed out of the ordinary the past few weeks.

"Y-you too?"

"Yep," replied Pain, who was affixing the star to the top of the tree. "Oh. You weren't talking to me. I think Tobi managed to coerce everyone to go shopping with him this year, the sneaky little bastard." Deidara burst out laughing and tackled Sasori, landing on top of him.

"Don't worry about it love. In the future though, you should know that you can come to me with anything." And he kissed Sasori for all he was worth.

"You know, I really don't need to see that," remarked Pain drily.

Sasori broke the kiss for a moment, much to his boyfriend's disdain. "Then don't" _Tori. .Tori _ Invisible strings of chakra encircled Pain and dragged him out of the room, shutting the door behind him for good measure. "Now, where were we?"

Muffled cursing could be heard from behind the closed door. "You two lovebirds better put up the tree!" he shouted.

"Oh, shit," growled Deidara from underneath the other boy. He slapped his hand against his forehead. "I forgot. I need to put up the decorations." Sasori frowned.

"Can't you put it off for a little while?" He resumed his attentions to Deidara, running his hands down the other's shirt and peppering him with kisses. "Come on, babe," he whispered huskily. "It is Christmas after all."

Deidara bit back a moan of pleasure as Sasori licked his chest, suckling on his nipples. "Oh, _damn_ Sasori. Don't ever stop."

"I don't plan on stopping anytime soon." He latched onto Deidara's pulse point and the latter groaned loudly, sending bolts of dulcet pleasure to regions decidedly further south. "Come on, Deidara. I wanna hear you beg for it."

"Sa-sasori! Please!"

"Not good enough yet," his partner said. Reluctantly he raised himself off of his boyfriend, leaving the blonde whimpering on the floor. He winked and left him with only a fleeting whisper in his mind. "Until tonight, my love."

Deidara banged his fists against the floor, his whole body aching with raw need. "Damn you, Sasori!" He could hear him chuckling from down the hall. He finished putting the few ornaments on the tree and, his hormones calming down just a little, left the room to go see if Kisame had finished with his job.

"Ugh. Sometimes I just hate Christmas." He grumbled all the way back to the front hall of the Akatsuki hideout, still noticeably flushed with excitement.

So Sasori and Deidara have some plans this year… next part shall be up soon enough. Happy Christmas in June!


End file.
